Christmas Carols, Titanstyle!
by Hydros
Summary: Pretty much what it sounds like. I have forced upon the Titans who, by the way, are as they are after Vacation and before Starborg the duty of singing Titanized Christmas Carols. I am so toast for this...
1. Jingle Bells Without The Batmobile

-1Raven: Seriously? You're going to put us in Christmas songs?

Robin: If I hear the Batman version of Jingle Bells… prepare to die.

Me: Nah. These are gonna be Christmas songs, Teen Titans style :D

Terra: There's no good way for this to end.

Me: Shush.

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"Okay, for some stupid reason the author of the Fused series has decided to make us sing Teen Titan Christmas carols," Cyborg glares at me. I, of course am whistling innocently on the ops room couch. Robin sighs.

"Alright… First one is 'Jingle Bells". You were warned," Robin points a stern finger at me. I grin. Robin simply frowns, looks down at the lyrics, and smirks. "Alright, this one I can do," He says. He takes a breath and…

"Jingle Bells, Beast Boy smells-"

"HEY!!!!!!" I grin wider and everyone laughs as steam comes out of Beast Boy's nose and ears. "There is going to be retribution for this," the changeling warns me. The grin does not fade. Robin continues.

"Jingle Bells, Beast Boy smells, R-r-raven laid an egg-" Robin can't help it. It's too damned funny, at least to him. His voice is quivering with mirth, and Raven is using the Evil Glare Of Doom on me. I am unphased, and she simply narrows her eyes.

"I second Beast Boy," She hisses. Robin begins again.

Jingle Bells, Beast Boy smells, Raven laid an egg. The T-Car crashed and lost its wheels-" Cyborg gasps in horror.

"MY BABY!!! YOU WRECKED MY BABY?! I'M GONNA-"

"Relax. It's just a song, jeez," I shake my head. Cyborg's still steamed.

"I'm in with BB and Raven," He warned.

Robin sighs. "From the top! And one-two-three-four!

Jingle Bells, Beast Boy smells, Raven laid an egg.

The T-Car crashed and lost its wheels and the Hive F.I.V.E. got away, hey!" Robin finished before busting up laughing.

"Hey, uh, Robin?" I say. He looks up at me, wiping tears of laughter from his mask.

"Yeah?"

"We should be running," I jerk my thumb toward a four-eyed Raven, The Beast and Cyborg with both arms as cannons. Both of us look at each other, eyes wide.

"SHIT!" We yell, running as if all of Hell was chasing us (and by as if, I mean they were).


	2. Robin's Winter Luck Sucks

-1Me: Okay, that was worth it despite being put in the medical bay for two days.

Robin: Oh yeah. Definitely.

Everyone else except Starfire and Terra: We can do it again just as easily Remember that.

Robin: Yeah…

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"Alright, what's next on this retarded agenda," Raven drawls as she looks down the list of carols. "One Horse Open Sleigh?" She questions with an eyebrow raised. I simply smile and nod. She shakes her head and begins.

"Dashing through the snow

In Cyborg's fancy new skis- Wait a second, Cyborg has skis?" Raven asks. Cyborg shifts his eyes.

"They're in the works," He says. Raven shrugs and continues.

"Over the fields- Wait, what fields? The closest thing we have to fields is the ice on the lake around our-"

"Raven, just pretend there's fields around here for the sake of the song," I sigh. Raven shrugs again.

"Over the field we go

Screaming all the way (Because Cyborg forgot to put brakes on the skis)-…" Raven looks up at me with a clear "W.T.F" look on her face. I look accusingly at Cyborg, who grins sheepishly.

"That one came from a 'test run' that he had me help him with on the damned skis" I growl. Raven snorts, shakes her head and continues.

"Starfire's not wearing a coat

Making Robin bright (red that is)- Okay, seriously. Are you sane?' She questions. I shrug again, and Raven sighs as she continues.

"What fun it is to laugh and point

As Robin hits a tree (brake issues again)."

Raven snorts in laughter, and the others minus Robin are busting a gut. Robin tries to scowl, but eventually can't help but smile. "Okay, we already did the chorus of this thing last time, so on to the next verse!" I declare. Raven nods and skips ahead.

"After Robin hit that tree

We thought the brakes were fixed

But we soon found out that we were wrong

Because Starfire threw Zorka berries in the brake fluid mix-" Raven looks up and laughs. "That sounds like something she would do, too," She comments. Then she looks back down.

"We finally ditched the skis

In favor of some skates (ice skates, duh)

But Robin faceplanted while we all laughed

And now winter Robin hates, hey!" Raven's ribs are shaking in laughter.

"Oh my God, that's too frickin' funny," Terra gasps out. The others just nod, unable to speak, except for Robin who is now definitely not happy with me. Now it's my eyes that begin to shift both ways,

"Now Robin, let's not be hasty…" I say.

"Yeah, you thought it was hilarious when I laid an egg, remember? Take it if you're gonna dish it," Raven reminded him. Robin simply withdrew a Birdarang.

"Welp, gotta go!" I yell as I run again.


	3. Good Thing Raven Has Insurance

-1Terra: Well, at least you're not dead.

Me: I got pinned to a wall hanging by Birdarangs and smacked around with a bo staff. I'd say that's close enough.

Raven: Well, you kind've asked for it…

Me: You thought it was hilarious too, but I don't see him coming after your ass.

Raven: That's because he knows the consequences of said actions.

Me: =/ True.

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"Alright, I'm singing next," Terra says as she makes her way in front of all of us. She takes one look at the title and looks up at me. "No way. I'll get killed for singing this." She says, shaking her head.

"Oh, go ahead, just do it," I encourage her.

"If I die for this, I'll haunt you to the ends of the Earth," Terra threatened before starting.

"Raven got run over by a (green) reindeer-"

"HEY!!!!!" Raven yells in protest. Beast Boy is chuckling slightly at the mental imagery, and the others are in full-blown hysterics. Raven fumes at me.

"What? It has a nice ring to it, and Robin's already been picked on enough," I reasoned.

"You are so dead," Raven warned. I grin yet again.

Terra smiles and begins again.

"Raven got run over by a (green) reindeer

Flying from the Tower on Christmas Eve (Beast Boy tried to mistletoe her).

You can say there's no such thing as Santa

But our insurance company sure as hell believes-" Terra looks up at me with a look that says "…". "Seriously? You're using such language in a Christmas carol?" She asks disbelievingly.

"True story," I say with a frown. She frowns back and continues.

"She'd been drinkin' too much… What the _hell _is Gobnark juice?" She wonders aloud.

Starfire gives a sheepish smile and Raven frowns as she remembers the "incident".

Flashback

"_Raven, might you come downstairs for a moment?" Starfire pleaded over her communicator._

"_What for? If it's anything to do with helping Beast Boy with the tree, no," Raven said firmly. Starfire smiled._

"_It is nothing of the sort. I have made a Tamaranian drink with as many Earth ingredients as I could adapt into. I was wondering if you could sample it for me?" Starfire gave Raven her most adorable puppy-eyes. Raven sighed. _

"…_Fine. Just… Get that look off your face. I hate that," Raven muttered as she cut the connection. Starfire smiled brightly as she flipped hers off as well with a pumping of the fist._

_Moments later, Starfire had poured Raven a glass of what she called "Gobnark" juice. Raven, being in too much of a hurry to get back to her book, completely forgot to ask what was in the drink until after she had downed it. And another glass. And two more._

"_That's actually… good. I know I'm going to regret this, but what was in it?" Raven asked nervously._

"_Well, I had to add some Zorka berries, but it is mostly your planet's lemon juice with some of the juice of oranges and a healthy helping of vodka juice," She explained as Raven's eyes bugged out._

"_Starfire?" She said. _

"_Yes?"_

"_Vodka… isn't a fruit, Star. It's a drink that generally consists of alcohol. The general goal of it is to drink yourself stupid," Raven explained. After realizing that Starfire knew nothing about alcohol, Raven explained the entire process of what getting drunk does to a person. After she had finished, a thought crossed her mind._

"_Oh, crap… Starfire, what kind was that vodka?" Raven asked fearfully._

"_It is rather rare, according to the website I bought it from-"_

"_You BOUGHT this stuff?" Raven asked incredulously._

"_Yes, Raven. I can operate a computer quite well, thank you. As I was saying, they said it was a rare kind imported from-"_

"_Russia," Raven finished, the color draining from her face as Starfire nodded. And it was at this point that Robin, having heard this entire ordeal, entered the room._

"_Raven?" He asked. She looked up at him with terror in her eyes. "You have like, no tolerance for alcohol don't you?" He guessed. She nodded._

_The next six hours were spent trying to control a drunk-off-her-ass Azarathian._

"Oh my God!" Everyone is rolling around on the floor as Robin relates the story. They finally calm down and Terra restarts the verse.

"She'd been drinkin' too much Gobnark

And we tried to hold her back

But she blew us off the Tower

And wobbled off into the snow…

When they found her Christmas mornin'

At the scene of the attack

They found a sheepish green changeling

Looking upon the chaos for which he had a knack…- This is WAY too long to finish," Terra looks up. I sigh and nod as she leafs through the songs for another one. "Oh, here we go," And with that she takes it away:

"Joy to the world, Raven has come

Let Earth be rid of Trigon!

Let every (wo)man

Be turned back from stone

And Robin and Beast Boy sing

And Cyborg and Starfire sing

And let Beast Boy freak out

Because Raven's acting normal"

Everyone, including Raven is smiling and chuckling at this one. I gasp. "You mean I'm not going to get killed this time?" I ask, shocked. Everyone shakes their head, and I pump my fist in victory.


End file.
